Kuli

A few weeks ago, a family of cats took refuge in my backyard. At the time of their arrival, I noticed Papa cat as one of Bukki's (my dog) old playmates. When he, the cat, was only a kitten, Bukki would put his little kitten head in Bukki's little puppy mouth. All was just fun and games until little kitten lost one of his little beady eyes. Since then Ive called him Chester Copperpot (from the movie "The Goonies") in reference to his resemblence of a one-eyed pirate. (I figured calling him One-eyed Willie was a little cruel and demeaning) It was an interesting coincidence that my parents later sent me a DVD none other than, "The Goonies".

Well, Chester Copperpot turned into quite the kitty pirate. Instead of stealing gold and diamonds, he stole a different kind of 'booty', the one belonging to all the little girly kittens in town. I guess the whole one-eye, bad ass look is in these days. Little kin of Chester Copperpot were popping up all over the village. Which brings me back to the beginning of my story, "A few weeks ago, a family of cats took refuge in my backyard."

I woke up one morning with something furry cuddled up next to me. My first reaction was to freak out because it caught me off guard. I picked it up and flung it out of my bed, but it didnt leave my room. It proved to be good company throughout the day, so I let it stay a while. I dont know if i regret this or not, but I broke the cardinal rule- "Dont feed the animals." Now, it refuses to leave.

That night it jumped in my bed while i was reading and I let it stick around, as if I had a choice. I now have a black and white friend that wants nothing but a little TLC (tender love and care). 

I have this long standing joke with my family here. I tell everyone that with as many kittens Chester Copperpot has had, theres no doubt in my mind that he has contracted some sort of kitty STD. You cant be too safe these days!!! This gave me a perfect name for the kitten, and if you wondered about the title of this story....now you know. I named her "Kuli", translated into English from Wolof means, 'syphillis'. I thought 'kuli' was a very nice sounding name, even given the terrible meaning associated with it; which surely I too have probably contracted over the years. Luckily for the kitten though, she'll never fully comprehend the meaning of her name. Unless of course she grows up and meets another Chester Copperpot

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Nakedness

We've been having quite a few celebrations lately, as in every other day. For instance, my buddy Mamadou had a two-day-long party because his wife moved into Bambougar (the village). I asked him why would he have a party for her now since she has lived in the village way before I even got here, two years ago. He said that because NOW its official. I asked what made it official; He looked at me like i was an idiot and should have known better. "Of course," he said, "this party makes it official." Hell, I never got a party. Am I not official? Though, µI didn't want to argue with him.

The other day I got a knock on my door. It was my sister Neema. She wanted to borrow my drum, which is no big deal just as long as it doesn't come back like everything else I loan out....in pieces. All of the ladies gathered that night and had a little drum and dance party. They've had these before but never at night and I wanted to watch. I didn't really have a choice anyway since it was held 20 feet from my hut.

The ladies were having a blast dancing together. Then they broke off into a dance off. One by one they took center stage, did a dance, said a few lines and then the next lady would come take her place. It took me a minute or two to figure out what was going on. One lady would go out to dance alone. While she was dancing she'd say something mean about another lady (in a joking way) and then the woman being made fun of would take her place and pick on someone new. One lady made fun of the size of another woman's ass by saying the reason her butt was so big is because she refuses to do her work (very mild insult). She, with big ass, then got up and said the reason her ass was so big was because her friend's husband gave it a good workout (paraphrased) in bed. Then she got up and danced and said it was okay that her husband was cheating on her. She pointed to my aunt and said that there's a reason why her new baby looked like my aunt's husband Abib. That made me laugh so hard that I was almost in tears. I know Abib very well and I knew that it was only a joke. But it just happens that my aunt loves to pick on me. She was out there alone dancing her heart out. Our eyes met; mine still half in tears. She pointed at me and asked what I was laughing at. I had no response, only more laughing. She said that I shouldnt be laughing at her because when my real dad finally comes to visit, she was going to be my new mom. She was going to take my dad into her room and make little half-black-half-white babies that would move in with me when i got home to America. Of course everyone there was laughing beyond all belief. It was my turn to dance, but I refused. Instead I put on my sad face and said that I was mad and walked towards my room. Suddenly the drumming stopped and everyone yelled out that they were sorry. "O waasanaam Malick, o waasanaam!!!" They seriously felt sorry for what they said to me. I cant believe after living here this long, they still havent learned that its going to take a hell of a lot more than that to offend me. 

I was out to get someone back, but I didnt know what to say right then and there. So i shut the door to my hut and stood there thinking of a come back. The drumsstarted rolling again and they continued on with their stupid little game. Two or three minutes passed by and I finally came up with something.

I took my clothes off. I stood there in my man-panties peeking through my door. The moment came and I pushed open the door and ran the 20 towards the action. I already caught their attention being half naked in the center of 200 perverted African women. They imediately began laughing. I chose to give my neighbor Marie a little shit for all the days she's busted my balls. Shes a very funny lady with a constant smile and a dramatic personality. I stood there dancing in my underwear and I yelled out to everyone that it was okay that they all loved my dad back home, but it'd never happen because my mom would come fight them all. Then I said to Marie that she shouldnt be laughing either. I said the reason i was in my underwear was because I was just in my room with her two daughters and I refuse to pay for their terrible service. Marie fell down laughing so hard that she hit her head on a chair next to her. People for miles could hear the laughs that night. Later after the fun was at a hault, I walked over to Marie, this time fuilly clothed, and told her that I didnt think her daughters were prostitutes and that i dont want to sleep with them, nor will I ever. She threw a stick at me in response and broke out in another laughing fit. All she could muster up to say is that I knew how to speak Seerer.

The following morning I bought Marie's two daughters a bag of candy to share. I felt guilty for calling a 10 and a 12 year old a couple of hookers. But they didnt seem to be upset, especially now that they had candy. 

Every morning since that night, ladies have come up to me clapping their hands trying to get me to start dancing. But even though Im retired now, i think Ive earned a newfound respect from the ladies of Bambougar Malick Ndiaye.

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